


Finding Success

by Paint_It_Yellow



Series: Life Goes On (Post GX Canon) [2]
Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! GX
Genre: Other, basically just johan and yubel having a nice ol (infuriating) chat, i tagged it as soulshipping but it's not super explicit, they/them pronouns for yubel, you could probably read the whole thing without really noticing it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-12 01:25:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15328647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paint_It_Yellow/pseuds/Paint_It_Yellow
Summary: Yubel reminisces on their failures, suffers, and then is roped into a conversation with probably the person they'd least like to talk to.





	Finding Success

Yubel had failed Judai. 

That’s what they told themself repeatedly. First, they drove away his friends, then they’d went and gotten themself corrupted by the Light of Destruction, only to then caused him so much suffering and made him lose his friends once more. It didn’t even stop there, as much as it should have and as much as they wished it had.

When they returned to Duel Academia, they should’ve been there for Judai more: told him to talk to his friends, even just talking to him themself more would have helped, they were always together after all; told him to get out more. But they didn’t. Not enough, anyway. 

They didn’t want to fail him again, like they seemed to have done for most of the time they spent together. 

“We’ve all made mistakes, don’t beat yourself up over it,” Judai had said multiple times, tone softer than they deserved, “You didn’t fail me.”

But they had. They weren’t even mistakes, they were deliberate choices no matter whether Yubel was in their right mind or not, and yet, no one blamed them. It was crushing.

It took them a long time before they even spoke to the rest of Judai’s deck; what could they say? While those in the deck had protected him countless times, they’d failed even when that was their sole purpose. Even though they loved him with all their being. Some in the deck had taken longer to warm up than others, but none held onto their resentment. Yubel still stayed away from them if they could help it. 

Daitokuji was a bit awkward around them, as if he couldn’t quite figure what to say to them, which was fair. They didn’t know how they’d speak to them either. Sometimes, they’d catch concerned glances thrown their way that ended up mostly ignored. On their better days, they’d have a conversation about what Judai was up to, or what he used to be like. One note conversations, but it was enough to keep their minds off everything else. 

Pharaoh didn’t notice them most of the time; preferring to ignore her presence in favour of eating Daitokuji or pestering Judai or a passerby who’d tried to pet him. Part of them felt a bit saddened by this, though they’d never admit it. They always had liked cats.

The group traveled a lot after leaving Duel Academia. It was good, for the most part, and Yubel tried to be there for Judai when things got tough. Life threats were down at a minimum, just like they liked it; their biggest threat? Running out of food and a place to sleep, which was much more common than it really should’ve been.

It almost scared them how much disregard Judai had for his own wellbeing for the first few months of traveling. When they had money, both them and Daitokuji would be urging him to buy food for himself, or to buy a night at a bed and breakfast- anything that showed he was looked after. Sometimes he’d do it on the grounds that Pharaoh was still a living being, which was good enough for Yubel if it meant that Judai was also taken care of. A start. 

It was maybe a year of traveling before they saw one of Judai’s friends face-to-face again. It had been proposed by said friend, though both Yubel and Judai were apprehensive about the matter- Yubel for themself and Judai for them- but they’d urged Judai to agree to the meeting; they’d ignored so many offers to meet already at that point and only talking to a dead guy and card spirits couldn’t make himself any more sane.

It was a winter afternoon, freezing, but the sun was shining like it should be anything but. Judai hesitated a knock on the door, checking his phone once, then once more, as if he’d gotten the address wrong despite the hundreds of checks. 

“Just knock already,” they demanded, impatient and wanting to get this done as quickly as possible. 

The door swung open before he even had the chance to knock for the first time. Ah, right. 

“How long have you been out here?” Johan asked, standing aside in order to let Judai step inside. “You must be freezing! Excuse the mess.”

Yubel avoided eye contact as best they could, but managed to catch the man’s eye anyway. They glanced down as he offered a warm smile. Fake, they thought, it had to be. 

They pointedly ignored the Crystal Beasts who were wandering around the house. This was going to be a terrible experience for them, they knew, but they could endure it for Judai’s sake. 

As Judai and Johan made their way to the living room, Yubel took in the area. Empty and half-empty cardboard boxes stacked in at the walls- freshly painted- with picture frames sitting against the wall and up on the mantle depending on their size. Quaint, but the soft glow of the fire illuminating both the seats surrounding it and the general vicinity made it feel much more homey than it maybe should considering its state.

Yubel watched as Judai and Johan started to catch up to each other,  arms crossed and shoulders tense as they floated in the doorway; ‘out of sight and out of mind’- that’s how the saying went, right? 

A few minutes passed before they dropped the tension in their body. The Crystal Beasts who were roaming didn’t so much as glance at them, either wandering away or staying near to Johan, as though guarding him, though he didn’t seem to notice. Every so often Judai would glance over at them, eyes signalling for them to come on over, but Johan soon took his attention back and it didn’t take long for the glances to cease as the two became engrossed in their conversation that they didn’t pay much attention to.

All in all, it wasn’t as awkward as Yubel had anticipated it would be, considering that they were mostly ignored. It worked better that way; the less presence they held the better. It was as soon as they thought this though, that that illusion shattered. 

Sudden movement caused their attention to be drawn back to the couch, only to find Judai standing up, walking towards them. For a moment, they were drenched in a sense of dread and they could feel themself tense. Had they done something wrong? Judai had seemed to be having a good time, and they were generally pretty good at telling when something was wrong with him nowadays. Turns out, their anxiety was in vain as Judai just offered a smile as he walked past them, which they answered with a confused expression. 

“He’s just gone to the bathroom,” Johan answered, Yubel turning their head to find a smile on his face. 

They offered a sharp nod and then turned away, eyes cast to the ground and the two falling into silence in the absence of Judai. 

“You’re avoiding me,” Johan said suddenly, tone nonchalant.

“What?” 

“You’re avoiding me,” he repeated. 

“I’m not. I’m just giving Judai some space to talk to you, he hasn’t seen you in over a year.”

“I’ve not seen you in over a year either, and yet you’re all the way over there, staying out of conversation.”

Yubel hesitated. “We’re not friends though,” they eventually spoke, quiet with a million words unsaid. 

“We could be, if you wanted to,” Johan shot back with little to no hesitance. 

Yubel stared at the blue haired young man in shocked silence, or maybe puzzled silence would be a more apt term.

“Why would you want to?” 

Johan shrugged. “We’ve never really had a proper conversation, and Judai loves you. It seems like I should get to know you, as his friend and all.”

A deep breath. 

“I don’t think your... friends,” they hesitated the word as they side-eyed the duel monster spirits around the room, “would be happy with us becoming friends.”

Johan shrugged, motioning them over. “Come on and sit, or come on and float, whatever you prefer. They’re just protective, they’ll warm up to you, I’m sure.”

Yubel just stared, earning a confused look from Johan. 

“Something wrong?” he asked finally. 

“Why are you being so,” they made a nondescript gesture at him with one arm, “calm about this? About me?” 

“Should I not be?”

“No! I possessed you- I  _ used  _ you! I caused you so much suffering!”

“That’s in the past, besides, you weren’t in your right mind.”

“You sound just like Judai,” Yubel groaned, rubbing their temple. “It was still me, though! It doesn’t make anything better or erase the fact that it happened.”

Johan hummed in thought briefly. “Maybe so, but it doesn’t make the whole thing your fault.”

“It is my fault, though.”

“I feel like we’re going round in circles here. Look, I’m not going to say you’re absolved of all the blame, but it’s in the past, and you were under something else’s influence.”

“You’ve said that before.”

“You’re way too stubborn, you know that?”

“So I’ve been told.”

“I refuse to let it rest when it’s clearly going to keep eating you alive like this.”

Right. Yubel always knew that the two were similar- almost eerily so- but Johan was always more mature and perceptive than their Judai. They scowled. 

“Don’t be like this,” Johan sighed, feeling almost like his mother at this point. 

“I don’t want to open up old wounds,” they tried a different approach, tone softer and voice quiet. 

“Any wounds I have were small and are long healed.”

Yubel paused. They still didn’t really want to talk about anything, honestly, but Johan wasn’t going to relent any time soon, that much was clear.

“And you won’t mention any of this to Judai?” they asked hesitantly. 

“Not unless it’s concerning.”

“Johan.”

Said man held his hands up in mock surrender. “Okay, okay. I won’t. Will you tell me what’s up now?” 

“You’re really nosy, has anyone ever told you that?” 

A shrug. “Possibly, but you’re dodging my question again.”

Yubel sighed. Well, maybe this would do them some good. Probably not, but it couldn’t hurt anymore than things already did, surely.

“I’ve failed Judai at every moment that seems possible,” they started, just throwing Johan into the deep end. 

“I’m sure that’s not true.”

Yubel failed at holding back a bitter laugh. “Oh but it is.”

“You’re going to have to elaborate then.”

“When Judai was a young child,” Yubel started, “he was so full of joy like I imagine many kids are, but I ruined his fun. I waited so long to see him again only to came back as a card spirit. I wanted to keep my promise to protect him, to make him happy, but I only made him lose his friends and see me as a threat.”

“Is that how you ended up getting corrupted?” 

Yubel nodded stiffly. “I failed him. I missed so much of his life and then the first thing I do when I get the chance to see him again is make him suffer even more.”

Johan hummed lowly in thought for a while. Much longer than he really needed to. Yubel thought that maybe he was doing it to lighten the mood or something, but all it did was fill the silent room with a buzzing sound. 

“After some deliberation I’ve concluded that you shouldn’t dwell on it,” he finally said. 

Is he stupid? “What?”

“Has Judai given you any indication that he blames you for any of that?” 

“No…”

“Then it’s fine! Don’t worry about it!” 

“I don’t think that’s how it works.”

Johan shrugged for what felt to them like the thousandth time, a smile still plastered on his face. “Would I say what you did is ‘good’? No. But the intention was, and for so much of it you were corrupted by a force you couldn’t control. What matters most is the now, and you’re doing your best to help Judai, right?” 

Yubel only nodded. 

“Then you shouldn’t dwell on it. You grow by learning from your past mistakes but you stay the same by dwelling on them. That make sense?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

Johan’s smile changed into a full-blown grin as he clapped his hands, getting rid of the serious atmosphere just as Judai walked in with a grin almost as big as Johan’s, heading back to sit down to resume the conversation they’d been having before he’d left for that oddly long trip to the bathroom. 

Yubel glanced at him in realisation, though Judai was too enraptured in discussion to notice. They’d have to remember to thank him later. 

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Can you tell I'm not good at titles? 
> 
> I wrote this for a similar reason as I did Stray Thoughts- cause I was feeling like shit. Though this time I thought 'hey, why not give an awesome cool dragon my problems?' so here we are. It can be a bit redundant at times but it was fun to write.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed.


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